he doesn't like it, shiny machine

so, okay...umm...how do you shit on the wall?  besides on purpose, i mean.  yesterday when i got to work the back door was open, which was wierd cause it's been super cold in the kitchen the last couple of weeks, and i was thinking "jesus, now it's hot?" but apparently this guy, who comes in every wednesday, just DESTROYED the bathroom with shit.  shit on the floor, shit on the walls, shit plugging up the toilet.  and it smelled so bad that not only was the bathroom stunk up, but the whole dining room, and all the way back through the kitchen.  that's a long ways.  i'm glad i wasn't there cause i would have had to clean it up, and i probably would have barfed all over the place upon seeing it, making more mess to clean up.  what i'm wondering, though, is how the fuck does one shit on the walls?  one of the servers had a theory that this guy was running to the can, got in there and got his pants down, but started spraying shit all over before he got on the toilet.  then, he was trying to wipe up the shit on the floor with his pants around his ankles and power shat all over the wall.

take a second to imagine that.

it's a train wreck of feces and humiliation.  and it's not like he smeared shit on the walls (which i have famously dealt with before) but it was spattered on the walls.  i like to imagine this guy was yelling and just shitting uncontrollably everywhere, like one of those wacky water thingies that we used to run through as kids.

anyway, that's life in the restaurant business.  sometimes you bang out lunch rush, sometimes you do prep,  and sometimes, my friends, you have to clean somebody else's shit off the goddamn walls.

anyway, any bets on whether this guy will come back?  if i was him i'd never show my face at the restaurant again, but it wouldn't surprise me if he comes back like nothing happened, like he never shit all over the floor and walls.  wtf is wrong with people?

ps mikey, hi-may, and mushmouth...you guys better step up.  the new guy is guessing all the songs and leaving you all in the dust as far as bonus awesome points are concerned.  also i was thinking of going from song quotes to movie quotes.  good idea?