Confessions of a Line Cook: the grass is never greener anywhere

Friday, May 14, 2010

the grass is never greener anywhere

*sigh*

six months ago i was completely entrenched in a good job that paid extremely well.  i got along with all my coworkers, and i had fun at work and generally never dreaded going.

now, i'm new guy at a very busy place...and new guy always gets shit shifts and shit stations.  i gotta be honest, guys...i dread going to work.  i get along fine with everybody, but i have doubts as to whether they actually like me.  i used to get excited about big weekends (mothers day, graduation, etc) and now they scare the shit out of me.  i feel like i'm in the weeds from the second i clock on.  i keep running into situations that make me feel stupid and worthless.  example--yesterday i was on the salad station (easier than broiler) and i ran out of corn muffins...i asked where the backups were, and i got looked at like i was an idiot and told "um, you have to make them".  k, that's fine, but don't act like i'm dumb for not knowing that.  also, generally with baked things they're baked off ahead of time and you don't fire off pans of muffins during dinner rush.  anyway.  i've worked the salad station twice, counting last night.  nobody has trained me, i just kind of jumped in and started doing it.  the one dude in the kitchen who i think might not hate me, he helps me when he can, gives me pointers and whatnot, but i feel like i ask so many questions he gets annoyed with me.  and it's wierd sitting at the end of the kitchen in silence when everybody else is talking about their mutual friends and experiences.

i dunno.

i've just been really bummed lately, and it's hard for me to focus on the good things.  with the schedule that i got currently, four days a week i get home after the wife goes to bed and she's gone by the time i get up.   i miss her.  and for all the positive things about the job (#1---i have one) i seem to get stuck thinking that i made a huge mistake leaving my old job.  and once that thought creeps into my head, everything else gets tainted with dark clouds.

it is what it is.  what's done is done.  but let me pose a little thought for all of you reading...if the place across the street is hiring and it seems like it would be fun, be very fucking careful.  a great man once said (actually it was awesome 80s band cinderella) "don't know what you got till it's gone".

i miss my old job.  i miss the boss, i miss the girls, i miss the kitchen staff.  i miss my extreme familiarity with the menu and the processes.  but most of all i miss the paychecks.  i miss feeling like i don't suck ass, and i miss feeling like i fit in.

but it is what it is...

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I hear Flathead Lake is beautiful this time of year brother......just say the word.......you know people up here.....I make bomb ass shifter drinks....tiny fryer......simple menu...three station line.......

mikey said...

ahh, you're awesome. dunno if i'm ready to move yet but i'll keep ya on the mind. sometimes i just get bummed and down on myself and all that comes out is blah blah poor me blah blah this sucks blah blah. today is gonna be better. comments like yours help a lot though. gotta come see you guys.

Unknown said...

No worries man.....everyone needs a vent somewhere........definitely come up and see us.......even if you don't move up and work here would be really cool to see you.......your blog still rocks and so does Kitchen Convoluted~~~~~~~~~~~

Ace said...

Dude, I know exactly how you feel. I mean EXACTLY. I too just left a restaurant where I was loved and could beat the shit out of dinner rush. At my new joint I'm a constantly condescended no body. Reading the last few posts have been like reading my own thoughts

It sounds like you've gotten past the worst of the FNG drudgery. That gives me hope for my own situation.

Keep writing man