back to square one

i took my first kitchen job in feburary of 98.  i was a college student, and i was eating with my dad and grandma at one of our favorite places, and the hostess asked me if i wanted a job.  i remember working a couple of dish shifts my first few weeks, but i was pretty much a cook from the get go.  i wasn't terribly serious about it back then, but it grew on me and eventually i became the kick ass line ninja that i am today.  i worked my ass off to move up the chain, both pay wise and responsibility wise.  six months ago i was getting paid very well, but i had kind of topped out at the place i was at in terms of responsibility.  i was getting bored at work, we weren't as busy as i wanted to be, and the food i was cooking wasn't what i ultimately wanted to do.  and then i got an opportunity to do something different, and even though i took a hefty pay cut to do it, on paper it seemed like the right opportunity.

we all know how that turned out, now don't we?

anyway, here i am, new guy at a new restaurant, where nobody really knows the time i've put in and nobody cares how much i used to get paid.  low man on the totem pole...after 12 years on the line, i'm the new guy again, the guy they put on the busiest station to get his ass kicked, the guy who seems to get fucked all night long.  they're breaking me in, even though i'm old and well broken by this point.  i understand, of course, and if i was in their shoes i'd do the same thing.  but it's wierd, and totally humbling.  there's a part of me that feels like "fuck!  i've been doing this for too long to fucking count wings and drop basket after basket of fries" and there's another part of me that knows that's just how it goes.  that's the game, folks...i didn't get transferred or promoted, i just started a new job.  i didn't come in as the new chef or the guy that's gonna clean house, just as a regular dude who needed a job. 

it is what it is.

the good parts of all this is that the fellas in the kitchen are fucking power cooks, and they're all super fucking cool.  they're doing a helluva job at making me feel welcome and comfortable.  and even though i have little to no creative control over anything (i get to make soups occasionally) i'm finally cooking the kind of food i've always wanted to cook.  nothing pretentious, nothing fancy, nothing you'd read on the menu and have to ask what it is...just food food.  pub food.  but virtually everything we do is from scratch, from baking our own burger buns, hoagie rolls, and pita bread to making all our sauces and dressings, breaking down big cuts of meat to get little ones as opposed to ordering pre-fab, and all that.  i've always been a big believer in the "if you can make it yourself why don't you?" school of thought.  the place i work now thinks that way too.  and we have a fantastic customer base, and we're busy as hell.  i've noticed that we don't so much have a dinner rush as we're just busy as shit all night long, which is not something i'm used to.

hmm.  i'm having a hard time putting this to words today.  i guess what i'm really trying to say is that it sucks to be the new guy again, but it's awesome to be where i am and working with who i get to work with.  i just have to put in the time, get my ass kicked and bounce back, and get in there and show everybody what i'm made of.  i've always fancied myself as a power cook, and now i just have to prove it.

i'm gonna need a couple of red bulls...