the grass is never greener anywhere

*sigh*

six months ago i was completely entrenched in a good job that paid extremely well.  i got along with all my coworkers, and i had fun at work and generally never dreaded going.

now, i'm new guy at a very busy place...and new guy always gets shit shifts and shit stations.  i gotta be honest, guys...i dread going to work.  i get along fine with everybody, but i have doubts as to whether they actually like me.  i used to get excited about big weekends (mothers day, graduation, etc) and now they scare the shit out of me.  i feel like i'm in the weeds from the second i clock on.  i keep running into situations that make me feel stupid and worthless.  example--yesterday i was on the salad station (easier than broiler) and i ran out of corn muffins...i asked where the backups were, and i got looked at like i was an idiot and told "um, you have to make them".  k, that's fine, but don't act like i'm dumb for not knowing that.  also, generally with baked things they're baked off ahead of time and you don't fire off pans of muffins during dinner rush.  anyway.  i've worked the salad station twice, counting last night.  nobody has trained me, i just kind of jumped in and started doing it.  the one dude in the kitchen who i think might not hate me, he helps me when he can, gives me pointers and whatnot, but i feel like i ask so many questions he gets annoyed with me.  and it's wierd sitting at the end of the kitchen in silence when everybody else is talking about their mutual friends and experiences.

i dunno.

i've just been really bummed lately, and it's hard for me to focus on the good things.  with the schedule that i got currently, four days a week i get home after the wife goes to bed and she's gone by the time i get up.   i miss her.  and for all the positive things about the job (#1---i have one) i seem to get stuck thinking that i made a huge mistake leaving my old job.  and once that thought creeps into my head, everything else gets tainted with dark clouds.

it is what it is.  what's done is done.  but let me pose a little thought for all of you reading...if the place across the street is hiring and it seems like it would be fun, be very fucking careful.  a great man once said (actually it was awesome 80s band cinderella) "don't know what you got till it's gone".

i miss my old job.  i miss the boss, i miss the girls, i miss the kitchen staff.  i miss my extreme familiarity with the menu and the processes.  but most of all i miss the paychecks.  i miss feeling like i don't suck ass, and i miss feeling like i fit in.

but it is what it is...