zen and the art of souping

so, i gotta tell ya, i'm getting really good at soup.  i mean, like, really good.  my soup file is expanding nearly every day, and most of them are knockouts.  i've been at my job for over a year and a half, and for a long time when i told somebody where i worked, i'd get "oh, that place has the best brunch!"  which is great, cause i work brunch and i'm proud of what we do.  but lately, the last few months (pretty much since i took over the majority of soup making duties) when i tell somebody where i work i get "aww man, that place has the best soups!"

yep.  that's me.  my boss loves my soups because they're all fairly straightforward and simple (we have a couple of guys that overthink things and try to do to much), and they all taste like what they're called.  my tomato parmesan bisque, for instance, tastes like tomatoes and parmesan.  really only two components to that one, but the end result...heaven.

some of my go to soups are...the tomato parm, hot and sour chicken noodle (that one is probably the easiest to make, and one i knock out when we just need something, but now...can also be hot and sour veg noodle, or hot and sour egg drop), potato leek, jalapeno corn chowder, andoullie beer cheese, summer pea bisque, ham potato and cheddar, the smokey dijon chicken and bacon, tomato bacon gorgonzola, and maybe loaded baked potato. 

some that maybe need a little tweaking...lemon chicken and garbanzo, korean black bean, maple bourbon pork stew, pumpkin apple bacon, sesame chicken, roasted corn chowder, and italian wedding.

i got some others in the rotation...standard chicken noodle, split pea, clam chow, manhattan clam chow (which we lovingly refer to as "manclam"), roasted red pepper gorgonzola...i'm sure there's others that i can't remember right now.  but the point is, i'm fucking awesome at making soups.  so there.

this has nothing to do with food or work, but...holy shit!

i'm gonna be a daddy!  maybe i should change the name of my blog to confessions of a line cook who's going to be a daddy and who's just pissing his pants with joy and celebration.  can't even begin to explain it, folks.

other food blogs need to be jealous of me

STEP ONE.  HAVE THIS SHIT. 

CHOP THAT SHIT UP, SON!  MAYBE EAT A KRISPY KREME!  THEY'RE GOOD, YO!

NOW PUT THAT SHIT IN A BOWL AND SET ASIDE.  CHOP YO ASS SOME BACON, YO.  CHOP IT UP REAL GOOD, SON!

 NOW TOSS THAT BACON IN YO BIGGEST HEAVY POT, PUT THAT BACON ON MEDIUM AND LET IT COOK, DAWG!

PRETTY SOON THAT BACON WILL LOOK LIKE THIS, YO!

WHILE THAT BACON IS DOING ALL THAT CRAZINESS, GET A CHICKEN BREAST AND DICE THAT CHICKEN UP, SON!

WHEN THAT BACON IS ALMOST ALL CRISPY AND SHIT, ADD YO CHICKEN, DAWG!

COOK ALL THAT CHICKEN AND BACON TILL IT'S DONE, YO!  THEN GRAB A SLOTTED SOMETHING OR OTHER AND GET THEM MEATS OUT OF THAT POT!  KEEP ALL THAT DELICIOUS BACON CHUBBY IN THE POT, SON...WE GONNA NEED IT.

REMEMBER ALL THAT SHIT WE CHOPPED UP EARLIER?  ADD ALL THAT SHIT BACK INTO THAT POT, DAWG!

NOW SEASON THAT SHIT, YO!  USE KOSHER SALT!

AND PEPPER.  FRESH GROUND PEPPER, SON!

NOW YO HOUSE BE ALL SMELLIN LIKE VEGGIES COOKIN IN BACON FAT!  WORD!

NOW DO SWEET AIR GUITAR, SON!  BAD RELIGION RULES!

NOW GET ALL THIS SHIT!

NOW MAKE SOME CHICKEN STOCK!  FOUR CUPS!   MAKE IT STRONG, SON, CAUSE WE AIN'T ADDIN NO MORE CHICKEN STOCK!

NOW ADD THEM MEATS BACK INTO THAT POT WITH THEM VEGGIES, DAWG!  ADD THEM!

 YES YES, SON!  LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE!  MEATS AND VEGGIES, YO!

NOW ADD THAT CHICKEN STOCK, DAWG!  POUR IT RIGHT ON IN THERE!

NOW POUR TWO CUPS OF WATER IN, SON!  HOLLA!

NOW ADD SOME HEAVY CREAM TO YO POT!  HALF A CUP!  POUR IN THAT CREAM, YO!

ADD A TEASPOON OF CALDO DE TOMATE!  SECRET WEAPON, SON!  JIGGY WITH IT!

SEE THIS SCOOP OF MUSTARD?  ADD THREE OF THEM SCOOPS, DAWG!

NOW ADD A HALF CAPFULL OF SMOKED PAPRIKA!  GOTTA HAVE SMOKED, SON!

NOW STIR IT ALL UP REAL GOOD LIKE, AND LET IT COME TO A BOIL, YO!  THEN TURN IT DOWN TO A SIMMER!  SIMMER DOWN, YO!

WHILE THAT SOUP IS BOILING UP GOOD, MAKE SOME ROUX!  IT'S PRONOUNCED ROO!  ADD SOME BUTTER!

NOW ADD SOME FLOUR, SON!  I KNOW YOU GOTS FLOUR!  MAKE IT GOOD AND CHUNKY!

NOW THAT SOUP HAS A LOT OF BACON FAT IN IT!  IT'S ALL ON TOP RIGHT NOW, DAWG!  LOOK!

THAT'S WHY WE NEED THAT ROO, SON!  TO SOAK UP THAT FAT, AND MAKE THE SOUP ALL SILKY LIKE!  ADD IT ALL IN THERE!

YOU JUST MADE SMOKEY DIJON CHICKEN AND BACON SOUP, DAWG!  LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!  HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND!

NOW PUTS THAT SOUP IN A BOWL!  MAKE YOU SOME GARLIC BREAD CRISPIES!  OUT OF WHOLE WHEAT HAMBURGER BUNS OR WHATEVER!  USE THAT IMAGINATION, SON!  AND REWARD YOURSELF WITH A COCKTAIL!

GET YOUR SOUP ON, DAWG!  EAT IT ALL UP!

LIKE A BOSS!

the drink of champions

the first step is to rock a badass shift on the line.  or don't, i guess, cause i drink these on my days off too.  anyway, they taste better after working 9 hours in a kitchen. 

step one.  get a pint glass and fill that sumbitch with ice.

then give yourself a good ol generous pour of Jameson.  or Bushmills.  or Powers.  use irish whiskey.

then fill er up with a quality ginger ale of your choice.  i like hansens cause it's spicy on my lips, like kissing an ancient mayan princess.

you could garnish it with a slice of lime or some candied ginger, but i like em straight up.  i actually can't ever taste the alcohol in these, so they can be a bit dangerous...but danger is my middle name.

actually it's not.  my middle name is way more badass than danger.

i'm jealous of other food blogs

other food blogs are so pretty.  they have all these pictures, and step by step recipes, and all i do is make dick jokes and talk about how hard i roll.  i used to post pictures of food but i haven't in quite a while.  so, with the help of my wife, i'm about to drop the hammer on a step by step tutorial on how to make my famous tomato parmesan bisque. 

step one---roast yourself some tomatoes, an onion, and some garlic.  drizzle that shit with olive oil, salt, and pepper.  i actually forgot to take a pic of this stage, but i took a pic of the same thing at work a while ago.

just scale it back for home cooking.  three or four nice tomatoes, one onion, two or three cloves of garlic.  this is what i had after an hour of roasting.  toss it all in your soup pot, like so

next, and this step is important...add one box of POMI strained tomatoes.  i discovered POMI a while ago and i refuse to use anything else now.  they're straight up italian san marzanos, and they're the best damn packaged tomato product on the planet.  they're kinda expensive compared to hunts or store brand, but they're seriously worth it.

now, make some chicken stock.  yeah, you could buy a carton, but the jars of chicken base are cheaper per gallon, and you can oomph it up or cut it back depending on your personal tastes.  also, drink some beers at this point, and crank the tunes.

next up...the secret weapon.  CALDO DE TOMATE.  find it in the mexi aisle of your local food mart.  it's powdered tomato stock, and it's amazing...a tablespoon of this will make nearly any recipe better, it adds a nice depth and is a great base veggie flavor to start soups or stocks or gravys.  one tablespoon to make my tomatoes more tomato-y.

ok, add all that to your pot and bring to a simmer.  while that's happening...

get your heavy cream on.  use the entire container.  i guess you could use regular milk, but i'd lose respect for you.  while your cream is coming to a boil...

chop your ass some basil.  don't worry about getting it chopped down that fine, we'll blend it up later.  now add that basil, son!!

yeah, yeah...that's good stuff.  your kitchen should smell friggin awesome right now.

mine sure did.  now get your salt and pepper on.  don't be shy.  le sal...

and le pep...

ok, now we're just waiting for the cream to come to a boil.  feel free to take this time to bust some sweet air guitar moves while listening to social distortion real loud.

ok, this is an important lesson...heavy cream will boil in two stages.  little bubbles...

to big bubbles.  i always call it "boiling up and boiling down".  when the bubbles get big and you're in danger or making a terrible mess...

cut back the heat and grate a shitload of fresh parm into the cream.  we melt the cheese into the cream because it incorperates a lot better than if we tried to add it to the stock.  romano or asiago will also do just fine here.  asiago smells like farts but it tastes pretty awesome.  take note of the motion blur caused by the fierceness with which i grate cheese.

now grab your trusty stick blender (you do have a trusty stick blender, right?  if you don't, you're dead to me.) and blitz your tomatoes and stock and stuff up real good like

then, while still blending, add your parmesan cream

by now your soup should have turned a kickass shade of orange, and the basil will be all chopped to bits and everything should be as smooth as sam jackson.  feel free to keep the blender in there for a while...the longer you blend, the smoother your soup.

boom.  done.  now keep that shit on a simmer and we move on to the next step.

wait...next step?  didn't i just say that we're done?   well, yeah, but you can't really have tomato soup without some kick ass grilled cheese sammies, right?  i had some hot dog buns i needed to use from earlier in the week when i made chicago dogs, so they became the vehicle of choice.  rocked some provolone, some leftover salami, and the rest of the basil.  if you used all the basil in the soup...well...whoops.

i know a lot of people butter the outside of the bread when making grilled cheeses, but...eff that.  i just butter up my pan real good.

add your sammies and give them two or three minutes on medium heat.  flip when they're crispy and delicious looking.

same deal for side two.  now pull them out, slice on the bias so they're easy to dip, and badda boom.

you're welcome.