guess who's the asshole?

guess who's the bad guy here?  me.  i got let go today.  fired isn't really the right word but i was told "you don't want to work here anymore.  nobody likes you."  i was pushed out.  i'm not a cool kid.  can't hang with the big boys.  apparently the pictures i posted (and took down when i was asked) had a few people up in arms, angry with me for pointing out their mistakes.  nobody asked if i was angry for having to deal with all that in the am (which i was), nobody asked if i maybe had something else going on in my life that was influencing my attitude at work (which there is), and nobody looked at it as constructive criticism (which it is).  people just looked at it as "oh, mike is a big fat jerk for showing and telling people there's problems that need to be addressed". 

you know, this blog used to be fun to write.  it's always been anonymous, i've been pretty careful not to use anybody's real names or ever, EVER mention the name of the place i work.  if you know me it's not too hard to connect the dots but that's not my problem.  i never meant to hurt anybody's feelings, nor was i personally attacking anyone.  i used this forum as a place to vent my frustrations and anger so it didn't end up elsewhere.  i have a problem with letting my anger and frustrations bottle up inside me and i know that, and my blog was a fun way to blow off steam at the end of the day, and i always felt better after getting my thoughts out.

today i felt personally attacked and disrespected, to a degree i've never felt before.  i've been working in kitchens since a lot of this staff was in grade school, and i know my shit.  i've always worked for owners and managers that knew their shit.  my old boss grew up in the business, and i got to pick his brain for nearly 12 years about the do's and don't's of the whole thing.  i know my stuff.  i'm truly sorry if pointing out things that i'm worried about bothered anybody.  maybe my blog wasn't the place for that.  but nobody around that place ever listened to me, or asked for my input or help, everytime i tried to step up and say something it fell on deaf ears, and i never felt like i was part of their little gang.  outsider since day one.  i tried to fit in, but i guess that's just how it goes.  i feel like nobody there cares that my wife has been out of work for nearly a month and i'm worried i can't pay my bills.  yesterday was my wife's birthday and i didn't have the money to buy her anything or take her out to dinner.  that bothered me.  and you know why i didn't have any money?  because i took a $500 dollar a month pay cut to come to the new place and be a part of their team, because i believed in them.  all i was told from day one was how awesome and professional everything would be, and then when i see things that maybe aren't so awesome and professional, i'm the asshole for pointing it out.  i just wanted to work, and to try and make that place all that i know it can be.  i'm sorry if i feel that someone who put themselves on the schedule at 8 should be there at 8.  i'm sorry if that made me mad.  apparently i'm the jerk for just wanting people to show up on time.  the night guys don't finish their work before they leave, and i'm the jerk for saying "hey, the night guys don't finish their work before they leave".  i'm sorry if i'm the one that had to point out a lot of things, and i'm sorry that everybody was seemingly blind to them in the first place.

i feel like i'm apologizing too much.  my feelings are hurt, though, and there's a huge part of me that wants to just blast out a post that's nothing but anger and profanity and tell-all information.  but that's not how i roll.  i'm bigger than that.  i wish the other owners would have talked to me about their issues.  i would have loved to sit down and point out to them all the times i mentioned on my blog how awesome that place is, and how stoked i was about it's potential, and how i really wanted to make it successful, and how happy and proud i was of the work i did there.  but sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. 

i'm a worker, man, and i'm gonna carry on.  i'll find something.  it just sucks to be the last one picked for kickball, or i guess in my case, the kid who gets pushed down and told "you can't play with us, you told me i pooped my pants!"  hey...you're the one who pooped your pants.  don't get pissed at me cause i pointed it out.

it sucks, cause today i showed up ready to work, smile on my face and ready to put a sticky situation behind us, i was ready to apologize to the owners for hurting their feelings, but also defend and explain myself.  i really wanted the chance to do that.  whether or not that changed the outcome of anything, i still wanted to explain my side of the story.  i'm bummed nobody let me.

on a lighter note, i have the weekend off, which is pretty awesome.  also i don't have to pick rosemary out of my teeth anymore. 

wish i coulda made one last soup though...