newsflash--you are NOT allergic to gluten

ok, first i'd like to point out that i actually know people that are seriously allergic to gluten.  it's a very real thing.  however, i've been cooking professionally for almost thirteen years, and only in the last year have people started telling the waitstaff they're "allergic to gluten" and asking us to work around it.  the whole time i've been cooking i've occasionally heard "i'm allergic to tomatoes" or "i'm allergic to avacados" or whatever, and that's fine.  i can hold the toms on your sandwich or burger set.  but this whole gluten thing pisses me off.  it seems like its trendy to be "allergic" to gluten.  listen, if you wanna keep gluten out of your diet, that's your business...but leave me and all restaurants in general out of it.  we take food allergies very seriously, and trust me, if you're actually allergic to gluten, eating in a restaurant is extremely sketchy.  we bake all our own bread and burger buns and pretzels and whatnot, so there's constantly flour everywhere.  i can't promise there won't be any gluten on your meal.  if you are allergic to gluten, then most likely you have a pretty specialized diet.  don't push it on me.  don't come into my joint and demand we fix something for you.  if you don't see it on the menu, don't ask. 

and don't even get me started on vegans...i fucking hate vegans and all they stand for.  they're racist.  racist against meat.  and i got no time for racism.  if you wanna be a stupid hippie and not eat meat, whatever, but avoiding all animal products, even the ones that don't hurt the animal (eggs, butter, milk, etc)...that's just meat racism.

STOP MEAT RACISM NOW!

quote of the day

"i'm still trying to decide if i was just really drunk, or if that actually was a bus"--nico

turkey day

happy thanksgiving to my loyal readers.  all six of you.  today i'm eating up at the in-laws, and i've made up sweet potato stuffing and the most ultimate stuffing ever.  as some of you may remember, last year i made bacon cornbread stuffing.  the year before that i made sausage apple cranberry stuffing.  and since everybody loved both of them, i've combined the two recipes into one epic bacon sausage apple cranberry cornbread stuffing.  it's cooking right now and it...smells...amazing.  and i gotta give a big shoutout to my lovely wife, who did all the choppy chop.  she's a good helper, plus seeing her with a chefs knife kinda gets me all hot.  anyway, pics may follow, although with my current rate of blogging, don't count on it.  i can promise you, though, that tonight i'll be eating like a champ.

just the warrior in me i guess

so this is the first weekend since mid august that i've had brunch off.  due to a few different circumstances, i have to work tonight, but as a result i get tomorrow off.  which is rad, cause i haven't had a day off with the wife in quite some time.

but i digress...i should be sitting here, lazily enjoying my am coffee and espn, digging on the fact i'm not at work, and to be honest...i'm all ansy and wierd about it.  i know my boys are doing just fine without me, and working tonight isn't what's wierd...it's just...i dunno.  that's my crew, and they're running without me.  i keep looking at the clock and saying "well, about now they should be doing this" and "i wonder how busy it is" and i have to force myself to not text someone and check in.

and even though tomorrow will be a welcome break, i'm sure i'll still be all ansy cause i'm not on the line flipping eggs.  sometimes it's hard for me to enjoy extra days off.  i'm too loyal to my crew. 

but not too loyal to make myself some biscuts and gravy and watch empire strikes back!

no offense, but we hate you

wow.  ok.  first off, sorry i don't blog much anymore.  i tend to blog a lot when i'm pissed about something and the last couple months have been awesome.  love my job.

anyway, it's funny to me how much we in the kitchen complain about everything..  it's almost a game.  well, maybe not complain...we judge.  show up five minutes before we open?  you're a douchebag.  show up five minutes before we close?  douchebag.  order lunch (or god forbid, dinner) items during brunch?  douchebag.  bring more than three people out with you?  fucking douchebag.  we refer to the last hour of service as douche hour, and any table bigger than 8 is referred to as a douchetop.  pretty much, if you come to eat at our place, you will get ridiculed and called names.  of course, it never leaves the kitchen, but still.  we see you sitting there, eating and drinking, all happy and content, and in the back of the house we're discussing your sexual preference and the questionable genetic pool you hail from.  i think that's pretty standard in this business.  we depend on customers to make money, yet we cannot help but talk tons of shit on them.  i guess there's the fact that we view normal people as wierdos, and our brains go "seriously?  you want wings at breakfast time?  what a tool."

today is gonna be extra shit-talkie, cause it's stupid halloween.  if you don't already know my thoughts on halloween, feel free to go thru my archives and read last years halloween post.  halloween is for kids.  don't dress up.  that's stupid, and so are you.  in addition to most of the servers dressing up (some of them did it yesterday!) i bet half our douchebag customers will be dressed up.

ah well.  today is gonna give me a big ass bullseye to work with.  and my verbal darts are sharp, yo...

"what vegan breakfast options do you have?"

none.

go cry into your hackysack, dirtbag. the rest of us will be enjoying bacon and sausages and eggs and all manner of delicious animal products.

just pick one already

so, a couple weeks ago when i was approached about the brunch shifts, my proposed schedule was going to look like this...mon tue wed nights, thu fri off, sat sun brunches.  then the schedule gets put up and i got mon tue wed days, thu fri off, and sat sun brunch.  which was wierd for me, cause i would much rather work at night cause it's busier, but i'd also much rather work day shifts cause i can see my wife when i get home and have a relatively normal home life.  so i worked the days shifts this week, and they were nice and mellow, and i got to have some quality wife time.  the older i get the more of an early riser i become, so i don't at all mind getting up in the am to go to work, especially since i get done in the afternoons and have the rest of the day to play (i.e. sitting on my couch listening to music and playing mario).  after a week i feel like my body is acclimated to the change in schedule, and i got quite comfortable.

yesterday i was told that me and another cook are gonna be flip flopping days and nights week to week, so we can both have home time (his lady just had a baby).  and i completely understand the logic.  in fact, i support the logic behind it.  but what sucks is just getting used to one schedule and then having it change.  in the nearly four months i've been at my job i think i had three weeks in a row with the same schedule. 

listen, i'm a team player.  always have been.  but i'm also a broken ass old man now and getting off work at midnight one week and trying to get myself up in the am the next week is kinda hard on me.  (*snork*...hard on...)  ever since i started this job, every time i'm asked to do something i go "sure!"  work broiler tonight?  "sure!"  work cold side tonight?  "sure!"  work days?  "sure!"  work nights?  "sure!"  work weekend nights?  "sure!"  work weekend brunches?  "sure!"

at what point do i put my foot down?  i never wanna say no to my bosses.  but it's terribly difficult to make plans when i have no idea what my schedule is going to be from one week to the next.  i was told that the days shifts that i worked this week would be my schedule for at least a few weeks.  so, naturally, i made plans for my anniversary next week.  now, i'll most likely have to cancel my reservations cause i'm gonna be on night shifts.  i think.  i'm not sure.

ya know, i'm not mad about all this.  it's the nature of the business i'm in.  and i totally understand that dudeman having time at home with his lady and baby is equally important as me having time at home with my lady.  it is frustrating, though.  i'm all about doing anything and everything my bosses ask of me, and doing it with a smile on my face.  the only way to get raises in this business is to prove that you'll go above and beyond the call of duty (or to threaten to quit, which isn't my style at all).  and really, all i'm trying to do is to get my money, ya know? 

still, though, i'd rather plan for days off then have to ask for days off to plan things.